Disappointment

Funny thing. I can't spell the word disappointment. Wonder if there is anything to that?

Today Riley and I were both disappointed.

He competed 10 metre at a Grand Prix event in Rome, Italy. He came 17th and did not move on to the semi-finals. His best dives were just ok and the dive giving him trouble he ripped for 8's. Something is off and he will have to work hard to figure it out and improve. He's 200 points away from the podium. That's a lot of work.

My disappointment resulted from not knowing Riley was competing today. In his entire diving career, its the first time I didn't wish him good luck. It wasn't intentional. He was not scheduled to compete but sometime during this week, Alex decided not to dive and Riley took his place. He told me afterwards that he sent a message to both me and his dad to let us know but somehow I didn't get mine. Communication the rest of the week focused on trying to get him new travel arrangements so he could continue on with the team to Germany and competing on Saturday never came up. When I told Riley today how sad I was that I didn't know, he didn't think it was a big deal - he had thought he had done his job and besides, he hadn't done well anyway. Suck it up mom. So why did it hit me so hard? Jealousy that he chose to tell his dad instead of me (not true), concern he is leaving me behind (partly true), anxiety and guilt that I've turned his life upside down (partly true).

A run with my favourite tunes and returning home to love, concern and care helped a lot.

Riley dives tomorrow and I wished him luck. I know I won't be disappointed no matter how he does. I hope he won't be either.