Love From a Distance

So its kind of a crappy day today.

Most of you know that Riley doesn't live with me. While I am respecting his choice to stay at the house which is closer to school, friends and the pool, its really hard to find a balanced approach to finding quality time with him. His dad likely doesn't get much either as Riley spends what little free time he has with friends, but what he does get is that "in between time" which can be so valuable. I think you know what I mean - the time eating dinner, driving to and from school, the pool, the just hanging out time that gives the opportunity to connect in a less formal way.

For me, its about making appointments to see Riley, which often result in him giving up something he's doing with his friends. There are so many things I need and want to talk to him about but am often leery to spoil what little time we have with "parent" type conversations - of course the kind no teenager likes.

Today I really wanted to see Riley but he changed his plan in favour of going out with friends and to a hockey game. I know friends are way more fun than Mom but its disappointing. I tried to explain how I was feeling but in Riley's mind - I'm "high maintenance", "kind of like another girlfriend". I'm at a bit of a loss at the moment but I'm sure it will work itself out.

I suppose its not much different than Mom's who live with their teenagers - we miss them the more they grow up and move away from us. We raise independent children and its that much harder when they exercise their independence.

Financial Planning 101

So last night Riley and I sat down (sort of - he eating sushi and watching TV and me with my laptop eager to share my spreadsheets) to discuss some financial planning.

In January, Riley became a nationally carded athlete which means he receives funding from the federal government. Its been a bit of a crap shoot in terms of spending this year and I was dismayed that the $9,000 he has earned to date has not been managed properly. Starting in 2008 and through to December of 2009, his funding will increase to $1,500 per month and I really wanted him to understand the impact that money could or could not have and the value of doing some planning around it.

I was actually kind of dreading the exercise. Riley takes after his father in terms of money management. Doesn't want to, doesn't need to and who cares. OK if you are out of this world wealthy, but not a great approach for us average folks. I decided to show him what his money could do for him if he chose. Felt a little like an RRSP sales agent but it worked! Setting the goal of what he wanted to have at the end of of 2009 and working it out monthly he saw it was really pretty easy - especially if his mom was willing to manage it for him. We agreed on a savings amount and discussed how much he would get for spending and what he would spend it on. His initial opening negotiation of "you pay for everything" didn't fly but we did have some good dialogue around who should pay for what.

End result was minimally painful for both. I got the satisfaction around some structured spending and he got off pretty easy lecture wise and will have a tidy savings account at the end! I got so excited I wrote out a two page summary of the outcome - will he ever read it ... not so sure but it was a great exercise for me and gave me confidence he's headed in the right direction.

I wonder if my friend Susan's son the teenage financial planner would be proud of us?

Sometimes Silver is Better than Gold

Riley finished up in Puerto Rico this Sunday with a silver on the 10 metre platform. He really wanted to win but was beat out by a US diver by 11 points. His coach Tommy called me very excited with the event - even though they didn't win, he was especially pleased that Riley was making the changes asked of him to enable him to improve even more. This is a transition time they remind me (from coach to coach) and all is on track.

What was probably most exciting however was not how Riley performed in the pool but how he managed outside the pool. This was a tough meet for him - having so much freedom on the senior circuit is quite different than traveling en masse with the juniors. I knew Riley would struggle. I was so very pleased to hear Tommy tell me how great Riley was on the trip. He was the perfect role model with the kids, laughing, cheering and all round a good leader. Given Riley knew the importance of giving back ... but can also be pretty self absorbed ... (read teenager and elite athlete) anything could have happened. I'm so pleased he chose the right path and gave the national office something to be proud of, and for me, it was more than the medal.

On the Road Again ...

His short lived rest over, Riley hit the road again this week, first to Montreal for a training camp, then yesterday he and 23 other young athletes from across Canada flew down to Puerto Rico for the Junior Pan American Diving Championships.

Riley first attended this meet when he was nine years old. It was in Mexico City and I went along too. Couldn't imagine my sweet boy alone in one of the biggest and busiest cities in the world. Riley came away from that meet (his first international) with three gold medals and I came away with the first glimpse of what everyone else in the diving community was saying, "this kid is something special". Named the Top Male Diver at an event in which he couldn't even fit into the track suit, it was magic.

Six years later, he's off to his third Junior Pan Am event and I'm not along for the ride this time. He is such a seasoned traveller, he doesn't often need his mom. As long as he has his laptop and his trusty gaming systems (he took along not one but two XBox Guitar Hero's - don't ask) he does pretty well. This time he is the leader on the trip, the big kid - his room mate is about 3 feet tall and on his first trip. I hope Riley is as kind as Julio was so long ago in Mexico City.

The competition will be tough - at sixteen he's diving harder, higher and working like he's never had to before. He's injured, shoulders, knees, wrists all ache from the hours of training. Its an Olympic year and everything is on fast forward. I don't expect three gold medals this time around, in fact, he is not even diving in the 1 metre to save his energy for the 3 metre and platform, but I know he will do his best and I'll be a proud mom once again.

Life of Grandma from Riley's Point of View

October 13th was a very cool day for our family. My mom (Riley's Grandma) was honoured for her lifetime dedication of volunteering in Mission. It was a wonderful experience to be there to see how appreciated and respected my mother is by such a diverse group of people in our community. I've always known my mom is special but it was so amazing to know that others think so too.

It was also very interesting to see Riley's reaction to the event. The first one was priceless ... driving into the parking lot of the church hall and looking over at a sea of white hair entering the doorway, he commented ... "I guess all the handicapped parking spots are already full"! Oh Riley....

The best part of the day was when my mom got up to speak. The entire place grew quiet and she did such a lovely job of her presentation, typical mom trying to deflect the attention to others who were also deserving and appreciated. Riley got to see his grandma not like he usually does, in the kitchen making him a snack or cheering him on as he drives the lawn mower or car, but he saw her as an icon of her community, strong, gracious, confident and much loved by so many, not just us. It was a very cool day.

Has it Really Been a Month?

Wow! How did that happen? September is always a mad house. Riley back to school and me back to work. Actually I didn't take time off in August but many of my colleagues did and it feels like after Labour Day, everything happens at a frantic space. I don't think I'll attempt to capture all that has happened this month, it was a month of work, school and more travel, me to Philadelphia and Riley to Montreal.

The biggest event for both of us was Riley beginning his diving season with his junior coach. A lot has happened this past year and one of the most challenging things for Riley has been the growing dislike, distrust and frustration with his coach. In order to have the best result possible, a coach and athlete have to be in harmony, both working toward the same goal for the same reasons. Unfortunately, Riley's coach made some personal and professional choices that created a training atmosphere for Riley that became intolerable. (read back to June 16th and "something is off" now becomes clear...)

As a family, we agreed that he would finish out the year and that during the summer break we would explore changes that would maximize his opportunity to attain his Olympic goal as well as find a way for him to enjoy his sport again. It was a very difficult decision and one not taken lightly - there really were only two choices; find a coach in Victoria or move him to Montreal. All agreed the least risky would be Victoria and the change became obvious - reunite Riley with his junior coach Tommy. Tommy and Riley had partnered together to for six years and had tremendous success and Riley felt that with Tommy he could work on some of the things that had been neglected this past year and would have a coach who was working with him and for him.

Its early days but the new/old partnership seems to be going well. Riley seems happy, is working hard and feels very supported which I think is a big deal. I'm quite amazed at what Riley was able to accomplish this year as I start to understand how difficult the training environment was. I'm even more proud of him then ever.

Happy Birthday Riley! Sweet 16 and ...

Well Riley's 16th birthday has come and gone and its been a very busy weekend. The birthday festivities started on Friday when Riley's friends Bri, Jeremy, Jackson and Grayson with Bri in charge decided that Riley must have a surprise birthday party. Riley's birthday celebrations actually started a week previous when we sent him to Cancun as his gift but his friends just felt he needed to celebrate this event in style. About 100 text messages later and many many suggestions evaluated and thrown out, they decided on a surprise dinner at one of his favourite restaurants, "Moxies" and then a "land yacht" 2 hour sail around Victoria. (translated is a party bus that fits 20, loud music, suspect drinks out of paper cups).


While all the planning was done by the kids, I got to peek in at the festivities now and again as they needed a chauffeur to the restaurant and at the bus pick up. Hearing 20 kids cheer "Surprise" gave me a little chill. The kids all looked so good - girls dressed up and boys cleaned up. Not a pimple among them - something sure has changed since my day!

I was quite unsure about these party buses but they seem to be very popular. After the 1 am pick up I am now a believer. No wrecked house, all very civilized and the kids were in great shape at pick up.

Riley's real birthday on Saturday was a bit of a non event for him as we attended the wedding of our best friend Wendy's first born son Mitch. Yikes - now attending weddings of our friends kids!!! I wish I could say we all had a great time but Riley was overtired from the night before and he was the first to want to leave the reception! Should have left him at home.

Sunday, Riley and I drove to Penticton where I dropped him off to spend the last few days of summer with some friends. I was eagerly anticipating the four hours I had him trapped in the car to have some quality all about life chats but we mostly listened to his bad music and discussed the construction of the Coquihalla Highway. An ah - ha moment was realizing while Riley has travelled the world, he hasn't seen much of BC. Must fix that soon!

The Penticton Ironman was on when we arrived - very exciting and emotional to watch athletes of all shapes, sizes, ages and fitness levels challenge themselves to the ultimate. Really overwhelming to know one who has done it. Riley loved it all and has declared he wants to do an Ironman one day. Perhaps he will and I'd love to be there cheering him on. The family and friends support of the Ironman is a very powerful thing to observe. (ok maybe I should consider trying to do one myself ... hmmm)

So saving the best for last - today is Monday and the first day since Riley turned 16 that the motor vehicle licensing branch was open. Drove back from Osoyoos where I'm staying to pick Riley up and at the office when it opened at 8:30. My boy is now the proud owner of an "L" and I'm relgated to the passenger seat for the end of time. It was cool.

A Mother's Job is to Worry - A Son's Job is to Not

So, I didn't get much of a Riley fix this week. Cancun does not support his cell phone and the beach and all the toys were much more fun that sitting in front of a computer sending emails home.

I did get one message on Saturday that sent me into that world of worry yet again. In checking in with Riley regarding the upcoming hurricane Dean, I asked if there was much going on at the resort. Riley told me all should be fine as their flight left at 3 pm on MONDAY. Gasp!!! Not true. His flight left at 3 on SUNDAY! Could it be he read his ticket wrong. Would he miss his flight, would he get caught in Cancun and have to experience the hurricane. Would it cost me yet another $1000. Would it, could it. Sigh. Called the hotel and left a message with someone with broken English, left more emails, checked flight info on the family he was staying with. Checked airline departure schedules. Checked, checked and rechecked.

I knew that it was very likely he just made the off hand comment on the day and really was on his way home on Sunday but still it was un-nerving. A text message Sunday night from Salt Lake City International Airport finally gave me the answer. My boy was on his way home ... When asked what he meant by Monday he texted "oh I just got the date wrong".

A Regular Kid?

I was reminded yesterday that I haven't blogged in a while. I guess I've been wrapped up in Riley being home and haven't had the urge or need to write. This blog started out as a way for me to express some of my anxiety about Riley and me and all that he has facing and this week we fell into what some might describe as a "normal" mother and child relationship. He slept late, he ate a lot and he had me drive him about 2000 miles around town to his friends, movies, haircut etc. I was happy to do so as a captured teenager in a car means access to information, if not from him well at least from his friends.

Riley has some great friends and they are always polite and willing to chat with me. They are reaching the magic sixteen mark which means discussion focuses on cars and driving (diverting from girls for a short time no doubt). Interestingly, I taught Riley to drive several years ago (once a farm girl always a farm girl) and from time to time he has been behind the wheel. Now that he only has a couple of weeks until his birthday (August 25th!), he has no appetite risking not getting the coveted "L" and is content to let me be the chauffeur. On August 27th however, I relinquish the wheel most likely for ever.

As part of Riley's month of normal (September is the beginning of the year of the Olympics), we have agreed to send him to Mexico for a weeks vacation with a friend and his family. One might think he would not want to get near a plane given his schedule this past year but this trip is different. Surf, sand, girls and a whole lot of fun at an all inclusive resort in Cancun. And not a diving board in site. It will be a great time and a way to recharge his batteries before he starts what will likely be the most stressful year of his life. Enjoy it Riley, you deserve it.

Riley Almost Home

After a reasonably successful Pan Am Games (8th on platform, 5th in synchro) I've been having a lovely text message conversation with my boy from the Maple Leaf Lounge in the Montreal airport. He's picked up the new Harry Potter and is already 200 pages in. Thirsty to read was his comment. Cool.
Anyone who thinks the life of an athlete is glamorous may want to re-think. The team actually left Rio yesterday and has been flying non-stop with two more legs still to go. Reports from many athletes and coaches indicate that this was a poor games from the athletes perspective. Really lousy food (and not just reported by my picky boy) must have some affect on performance. No activity in the "village" leads to boredom and no effort to get the athletes to see other events is just a shame. I'm again very proud of Riley, this time for his results (highest international score in both events in inclement conditions to boot) but more so for how he handled the less than ideal conditions. He told me he was bored and the food was bad but it was just a matter of fact, and not a complaint with the expectation that someone would do something. I think my boy is growing up.

Riley in Rio

You'll recall the photo of Riley and his two suitcases ... After Montreal, one suitcase was sent back home with his buddy Fraser because as part of the Pan Am Games, all team members were to receive complete outfitting and another suitcase! Doubt this stuff will be coming home with him ... what do you think?

Another First for Riley

Another tremendously proud mom moment last week when Riley won his first Senior National Platform title in Montreal. I think I was most thrilled with his never give up attitude in the final when he was second going into the last dive. I knew he could do it and wasn't nervous at all watching the live video feed. Riley has done such a great job of preparing himself for every scenario that I knew he knew exactly how many points he needed to win - and he did.
This time his friend and mentor Alexandre Despatie was not competing against him but cheering him on from Miami. I'm sure Alex was almost as proud as I was as he has taken his role as big brother and guide seriously. I'm also looking forward to the day that Riley takes over the crown for real and I think Alex does too.

http://diving.ca/english/html/news/2007/jr7.htm

And he's off, again ...

After a week at home, Sunday morning Riley left again for two more adventures. First off to Montreal where he will compete in the Junior and Senior National Championships in Montreal. From there he travels on the 18th to Rio de Janerio and the Pan American Games.

Getting Riley ready for any trip is a bit of a chore. First off, probably like most teenage boys, at any given time its difficult to find the floor of his room due to piles of clothes scattered about. And of course, all those clothes have to washed and ready to be packed because he needs every single piece! Five loads later we had piles of freshly laundered clothes ready to be reviewed. I of course thought there would be some editing involved. Not so, the pile disappeared into not one but two suitcases. Added to that was a PS2 system for Jose, Riley's Cuban friend (they can't get them in Cuba of course), 300+ DVDs (how many movies can you watch???), a computer and various odds and ends including hair products (he uses more than I do!).


A friend commented when looking at this picture - how many bathing suits does he need??? The funniest thing is, when he arrives in Rio, he will receive another suitcase and backpack full of Team Canada gear. Oh boy ...

Happy Canada Day ... and ... Simon Still Says

Day two of Riley's commitment to HBC was to participate in the HBC Run For Athletes on Canada Day. We figured that his hourly rate when down from one thousand an hour to five hundred as we had another five hour stint ahead of us. Up at 6:45, we were down at the start line at 7:30 helping the 500 runners warm up. Well actually Riley and several other Olympic athletes were, I was on the sidelines taking pictures.

One of the participating athletes was Riley's mentor and friend Olympic Gold Medalist Simon Whitfield. It was lovely to see Simon again - he did a double take when he saw Riley - they first started doing promotional appearances together when Riley was about eight. I took a picture of the two of them posing the same way they did seven years ago!

A special guest at the run was new grandma and a fellow "mom" Linda Whitfield. It was nice to spend time with her and it was easy to understand why Simon is the amazingly thoughtful man he is. I told Linda the story of Simon giving Riley his gold medal to take home for the weekend and she wasn't surprised. Well done Mrs W - your boy continues to inspire.

I spent the whole morning with Riley as he went from one event to another, warm up, awarding medals, running in the kids race with some of the kids and finally, speaking to the crowd on the "big stage" representing all the athletes. That was actually Simon's job but he designated it to Riley!

It was a really cool day as Riley seemed not to mind having his mom to hang with - we even took a break and drove over to our new condo (only three more weeks until we move) and marvelled at how nice it will be. It was another good day as Riley's mom.

One Thousand Dollars Per Hour ...

Riley is one of two hundred Olympic hopeful athletes across Canada who are sponsored by The Bay. In order to receive $5,000 each athlete must participate in a community service day in a HBC store. Today was Riley's day and his store was Nanaimo! A whole day with Riley and five hours of it in a shopping mall - can it get better than that?

The drive up was uneventful, lots of traffic, some decent conversation and some questionable music as of course Riley was in charge of the tunes. We were greeted by some nice people at The Bay and shown where Riley would sit, sign autographs and sell cupcakes! As it was Saturday of the July 1st long weekend and the weather was pretty good, the store was pretty quiet and early on Riley gave me the "how am I going to sit here for 5 hours look". Carol our host was very nice and was helpful in drawing people to the table to chat with Riley and get an autographed card. I hung around a bit and then took advantage of having to be in a mall and went shopping.

When I came back, Riley had been joined by two delightful little girls who were the store duty manager's daughters. They sure helped to pass the time as it was quite painful to sit and look interested as people passed by. Riley was soundly beaten in tic-tac-toe by the older one, much to her delight. As we were finally packing up to leave after a good number of autographs and $200 worth of cupcake sales, the duty manager told me what a personable and charming young man my son was - what a nice thing to hear!

Two hours later (with some much more questionable music purchased at the mall during our lunch break), we were back home again. A great day spent with Riley - not his first choice to spend a Saturday but he was a good sport and one I will remember for some time.

He's Back!!!

After three long weeks and a very large suitcase of dirty laundry later, Riley is now home. Although it really is only for a few days (off to Montreal and Rio de Janerio on July 8th), I have decided that its all about quality of time spent and not quantity.

As this blog is meant to share my thoughts of what its like being Riley's mom, I must first report on how Riley went to great lengths at the end of his trip to make sure that I still felt purposeful in his life.

First sign that a fifteen year old, no matter how worldly, is going to have some trouble - frantic cell phone call from Berlin Airport - Mom - "I left my passport in my hotel room in Rostock". ( you need to know Rostock is a 2.5 hour bus ride - good news is that he did get himself to Berlin in time for his original 6:45 flight - caught a ride with the Cubans - resourceful kid). While he tried to figure out how to get his passport to the airport, I started researching alternative flights to Frankfurt that would still get him to connect with his Frankfurt/Montreal leg. After several cell phone calls later, he was able to get a hold of the hotel and arrange for the Canadian team (they left for a Berlin flight leaving at 9:40am) to bring the passport with them. I booked him a 1 way ticket on Lufthansa (Air Berlin had no feasible options) to the tune of $450! I did it on-line and used his credit card (good thing there is fine print) so he could claim it on his end. I did try and get him to talk to Air Berlin about going ahead on the flight and having the passport forwarded on the Lufthansa flight as freight but he was too worried he wouldn't get it as English was a challenge with some of the airlines. I was worried about the time he would have to change his ticket. His passport arrived in time and he caught a 9:35 am flight to Frankfurt - arriving at 11 - still 2.45 hours to exchange the ticket.

An hour later - another worried cell call - "Mom -they say I have a reservation but my ticket isn't paid for". She says its going to cost lots and lots of money". I'm reading and re-reading the email directions from our travel agent who provided the directions for the change (see previous blog re changes to Riley's travel) and I tell Riley that I'm sure that is not the case and ask him to tell the agent to read the file again. then I ask, "did you give her your paper ticket?" He digs in the bottom of his training bag (he's been travelling 3 weeks remember) and pulls out a crushed ticket. The agent smiles and says - "no problem - this will take half an hour but you have time to make the flight". Riley tells me - "I didn't know I had to give her the ticket - I thought it was all in the computer".

Lesson learned there for me to give him more detail - I thought I had explained it but I didn't write it down for him. He told me after that he could have easily thrown that part out - kids just aren't used to using paper tickets any more! Cell phone went dead so I never did hear if he made the flight but I caught up with him in Montreal eight hours later where he was pleased to report an upgrade to First Class made his trip across the Atlantic much more comfortable.

It was a sleepless night for me but so worth it as my son returned home safely and I felt needed again.

A Picture for Sam

I'm posting this picture for my friend Ruth's son Sam. Sam is almost five and is about the coolest kid I know. Sam loves the water and has been a fan of Riley's for a while now. He especially likes the "twisty" dives and looks forward to showing Riley his moves one day. This one's for you Sam! And keep that water gun away from me!!!

What exactly does "Life of Riley" mean?

What ever did we do before Google and subsequently, Wikipedia?

Click on this link and you'll find everything you wanted to know about the original "Life of Riley" http://http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Life_of_Riley .

I'm including my favourite find - the lyrics of a song by the Lightning Seeds - a British band from the 90's. There's some connection between Riley and me in this song, I just have to think about it a little more.

The Life of Riley by The Lightning Seeds

Lost in the Milky Way
Smile at the empty sky and wait for,
The moment a million chances may all collide.
I'll be the guiding light,
Swim to me through stars that shine down.
And call to the sleeping
World as they fall to Earth.
So here's your life,
We'll find our way,
We're sailing blind,
But it's certain nothing's certain.
From cradles and sleepless nights,
You breathe in life forever,
And stare at the World
from deep under eiderdown.
Although this World is a crazy ride,
You just take your seat and hold on tight.
For the first time,
I don't mind,
I get the feeling,
You'll be fine,
I still believe,
That in this World,
We've got to find the time,

For the Life of Riley

Mother or Travel Agent?

So communication since Riley has been in Europe has been spotty at best. He's very busy training and socializing and thinking of calling his mother on regular occasions falls way down the list of "to do's. That is with the exception of when he wants something - usually money or changes to his travel schedule.

This week was full of both as he ended up on an unexpected extent ion to include Germany. Getting him to Germany was challenging for sure but we succeeded and he is safely ensconced in the hotel and reports back are that he is training well, the food is "ok" and the hotel is kind of interesting with lots of shops, restaurants and a train station near by.

Once in Germany however, Riley discovered his return trip home required him to be in the Berlin airport for at 6:45 am Monday flight to Frankfurt. For a "not so good in the morning" guy this was a tragedy. Compounded by the fact that Rostock (location of the Grand Prix) is not really in Berlin but a 2.5 hour bus ride outside of Berlin. Hmmm - a welcome call from my son turned into a further request for flight changes. Well after numerous attempts to meet his social and sleep deprived schedule, I had to admit defeat and tell him he had to stick with the original plan. I was really bummed as I pride myself in sorting out all the travel details right down to googling the best possible connections and rates on hotels. (I will look at 5 sites to save 5 bucks...). I was reminded that the reason he wanted a change may have nothing to do with his performance and likely more to do with missing the after party. For a 15 year old in Germany, I'm glad the original plan is in tact.

He won't be a bundle of joy when I pick him up at the airport on Monday but it will be great to see him. Oh and yes ... he will be coming home with a whole suitcase full of dirty laundry.

Happy Father's Day!

I wonder how many blogger's will be posting this message. Can't let the day go by without posting my own.

Happy Father's Day dad - so glad you are still here to celebrate it with us!